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Monday, July 14, 2008

The FIFTH Day of the Rest of My Life

Want to know about the first day? Click here.
Want to know about the second day? Click here.
Want to know about the third day? Click here.
Want to know about the fourth day? Click here.

Day 5: My Body

"Are you expecting?"

Wonderful. That's the question I got yesterday. A couple weeks after I decided it was time to take my appearance seriously. It cut like a knife.

"No." (as I give a fake smile and held back the tears)

She was a sweet old lady, and was just being as friendly as can be, so I can't blame her. But this is on the heels of so many instances that made me feel change was in the works. I look in pictures now and don't see my face. My daughter asks me if I still have a baby in my belly, or says 'look at mommy's silly big belly'. From the mouths of babes, right? I don't feel right anymore. I cannot even be a happy 'fluffy' girl right now.

Now, PLEASE, don't go quickly to post a new comment and tell me to 'don't listen to her', 'you don't look pregnant', 'you have had two kids', 'keep your head up', 'you look great' or anything of the matter. All those things make me feel like you agree but want to be kind, and truly are not even close to convincing to me that things are just hunky dory. The truth is I do have a terrible gut since having BabyBoy, I am overweight (70+lbs more than I should be), I don't fit into my clothes well and there are many people who see it and don't say it. I wish they would. Maybe it would corner me into being smarter when I go to grab for seconds of chocolate cake, or get the Super-Sized french fry when I'm not that hungry.

I decided to follow the amazing and inspirational steps of my DisneyWorld Momma friend. I will call her DWL. DWL has lost somewhere in the range of 100lbs, and is still striving for more. Though her soul has always been beautiful, she came to what I can only guess is a somewhat similar point to where I am, and decided she needed a healthier HER for her kids and husband. I saw a recent picture of her and immediately felt pride for her, and we truly don't know each other that well. just to see someone make a choice, do it, and do it the RIGHT WAY was so inspirational. There was no reason I couldn't do the same.

SO, I decided to start off in her footsteps. I am choosing a low-carb/ no-carb diet. It will probably teeter more towards low-carb, at least for the beginning until I can grab a hold of what proper foods are. In all reality, cutting back on breads and sugars is only healthy, especially in my diabetes prone bloodline. To me, I am not making this a diet. I am simply making different choices. The selections are limited, the foods are boring, and I know getting used to it is going to be hell. Today is day 1 and I have already been tempted to grab 'just one' of something I shouldn't have. I am keeping my eyes fixed on the day that I don't even want those things. I think I can do it though. And to keep myself honest, I will be posting a weight loss widget there on the side of my blog.

Also, I have been desperately wanting an elliptical trainer for years now. My picky husband narrows my ability to get one because he wants on that doesn't use fan resistant, and has a larger frame, blah blah blah. Well, at this point, a pogo stick is more than I have and more than I'm doing. I think I am just going to have to buy one, one that I can use and like, and deal with it. When I get it, I am going to start slow. I'm not fooling myself into thinking I can start a 5 day a week workout for an hour a day one it. It won't happen and I will hate it in a matter of days. I plan to start for 15-20 minutes, a few times a week. Whatever I start with, it will grow by small bits, week by week. Seriously, how can I complain about being fat, or even expect to get skinny, if I sit in an office chair 36 hours a week, the car 12 hours a week and on my big butt at home watching TV or sewing for hours on end? Not going to happen.

So, this concludes my points of change. I truly think these points of my life that I want to work on are going to be good not only for me, but for the people I come into contact with.


Piper said...

*hugs* I sooooo understand & I'm right there with ya! BUT what DWL says is true, you have to want it & for the right reasons! :)

Kristi said...

For sure Pip! I definetly want it for my kids, for my family and for the long term health! I need to be a happier me so I can be truly happy with my life.

Anonymous said...

You can do it! And just remember, if you fall one time, it's not the end of the world, start right back up. I read that that's one of the biggest mistakes for women. We fail once and throw in the towel. Remember, baby steps.

Anonymous said...

You can do this and I have your back all the way. ((((HUGS))))