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Monday, July 7, 2008

The FIRST DAY of the Rest of My Life

I call this 'FIRST DAY' because this will be the first of 5 consecutive blogs this week on changing my life....... I am 26, and I think it is really time to sharpen the mold of who I am and who I want to be. I am still young enough to learn and have some empty canvas to paint on, but almost too old to make profound change without looking lost and confused as to who I truly am.

Day 1: My Faith.

I decided to start with this one, on a Monday. A Monday that follows just another Sunday we didn't go to church. I love my church, I love my faith, I love my God. It really doesn't have anything to do with any of those things.

One reason we have been so bad about going is pure laziness. We pack so many activities into Friday night and Saturday, since we both work all week and have no other time to do them, that when Sunday rolls around we just absolutely crash. Thinking of dragging ourselves out into the 100 degree heat, using up $12 in gas and spending time in any other position than horizontal on the couch is (voluntarily) prohibiting us from going. But, my selfishness is preventing my children from having a steady and consistent exposure to the faith I so desperately want them to grow up to know.

Another reason is accountability. I feel a desperate need for that fellowship, but have been having a difficult time getting Hubby motivated to feel the same way. I KNOW I need to heed the same advice I pass to many others and 'just go, he will follow if you just go'. But I use Hubby's valley as an excuse which in turn is hindering me from working towards my peak. I know Hubby is a man of God. Thank goodness, we have both reached a certain level in our faith to where we don't feel without God in this time. The problem right now is we aren't growing in God. I know when I am down, Hubby is supposed to push me to keep walking, and when he is down, I am to help him move forward as well.

Any other reason I have is just additional excuses. There is no validated reason (except when we are out of town or my kids are contagious with something, of course) for us to not go.

Yesterday, I was so upset about not going I decided I needed to be productive if I was going to stay home. So I cleaned the bathroom, sewed some more back orders, balanced a months work of checkbook, and budgeted for July. Still, none of that replaced the fact that we need to be going to church.

I know moving could possibly be just the thing our marriage, our faith and our own selves needs. Bestie reminds me that moving was the best thing that could have happened to them in so many ways, despite their hesitation to actually make the move. But instead of holding on to the hope that that same change happens for us when/ if we move, we need to make the change now. Whether is be to change churches to somewhere closer, push ourselves to go to our current church which we love or go along with friends or family to theirs to be accounted for, we need to do it.

So this blog entry is a promise to me and to God to start the growth in my faith. I want to hear God's voice again. I want to feel the guidance and protection God gives me. I want to build new friendships with other Christians in my church. I want to be involved in activities. I want to touch others lives. I have done it before, I can do it again. But only with God walking by my side, holding my hand, and I know He is there for me, His daughter, His beloved.

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