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Monday, May 11, 2009

Just when you think you are already on the beaten path....

God surprises you and tells you that the struggle you have been facing was only the path to the rugged mountain you have yet to climb.

It was not what we were expecting today.

Hubby and I went to meet with the cardiologist for a consultation on the advanced findings of the catheter BabyGirl had done. He showed us the same diagrams, same defects and gave the same findings as we had heard the day of the procedure. But it was like someone picked up that room and turned it on its top in a matter of seconds. The doctor stated that 14 cardiologists and surgeons all raised an eyebrow to BabyGirl's results and findings, and not a single one felt they would successfully be able to repair the defect because it was so deep into the heart muscle. And if they did, the risks of the same defect coming back stronger and more involved were far too great.

They unanimously decided to send the results to a more advanced hospital, UCLA Hospital, and told me it is seeming that the only route for my daughter would be a new heart.

He suggested we prepare to relocate to LA in order to be close to the hospital for her transplant and aftercare, which will be a long, life changing process. He is setting me up with a nurse locally who will "prepare me" for what will be happening. How can one person be responsible for preparing a mother for something this serious? I feel terrible for her and her career.

I am dealing with so many emotions right now that I cannot even explain because I didn't know they existed. I am sure this post seems heartless and matter of fact but it is because I am forcing my lifeless brain to put down words for the sake of updating the people who love my daughter.

Once I relearn how to breathe and can feel my limbs again, I will come back and write more and hopefully be able to be more detailed and informative. And if you have or do call, email or text me and I do not reply, please know it is not anything personal. I just need some time to process a portion of this.

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