Monday, May 11, 2009

Just when you think you are already on the beaten path....

God surprises you and tells you that the struggle you have been facing was only the path to the rugged mountain you have yet to climb.

It was not what we were expecting today.

Hubby and I went to meet with the cardiologist for a consultation on the advanced findings of the catheter BabyGirl had done. He showed us the same diagrams, same defects and gave the same findings as we had heard the day of the procedure. But it was like someone picked up that room and turned it on its top in a matter of seconds. The doctor stated that 14 cardiologists and surgeons all raised an eyebrow to BabyGirl's results and findings, and not a single one felt they would successfully be able to repair the defect because it was so deep into the heart muscle. And if they did, the risks of the same defect coming back stronger and more involved were far too great.

They unanimously decided to send the results to a more advanced hospital, UCLA Hospital, and told me it is seeming that the only route for my daughter would be a new heart.

He suggested we prepare to relocate to LA in order to be close to the hospital for her transplant and aftercare, which will be a long, life changing process. He is setting me up with a nurse locally who will "prepare me" for what will be happening. How can one person be responsible for preparing a mother for something this serious? I feel terrible for her and her career.

I am dealing with so many emotions right now that I cannot even explain because I didn't know they existed. I am sure this post seems heartless and matter of fact but it is because I am forcing my lifeless brain to put down words for the sake of updating the people who love my daughter.

Once I relearn how to breathe and can feel my limbs again, I will come back and write more and hopefully be able to be more detailed and informative. And if you have or do call, email or text me and I do not reply, please know it is not anything personal. I just need some time to process a portion of this.

Following Up on this post: http://listeningthruthenoise.blogspot.com/2009/05/take-deep-breath.html

15 comments:

Flying Monkeys said...

I'll be thinking of your little girl and your family.

Amanda said...

Oh Sweetie, I have no words. Thinking of you and praying hard.

Noah said...

Lots of prayers for them to find the right heart and for it to be a very successful procedure when they do.

Please let me know if there is anything I can do.

Nichole said...

Oh Honey. =( I'm so sorry. I will be praying for Baby girl, and your family. I'm so sorry (((HUGS))))

Corey~living and loving said...

oh my word. so not what I expected to come here and see. I am so sorry for this turn of events, and I wish I could give you a hug. Oh dear. You and miss G are in my prayers. I don't even know what to say. :(

Emily said...

Jesus...I don't even know what to say Kristi, I'm so sorry....so many prayers coming your way!!!!

Laura said...

I'm speechless. Oh friend...I'm so, so sorry. Many tears, and many prayers going up for you and your Baby Girl...

suzy2110 said...

I am devastated for you. I know there are no words. I can't even begin to imagine what you must be feeling. Sending you vast amounts of prayers and love for the time to come.

Meghan said...

You don't seem one bit heartless. I can feel your breathlessness in your writing. All my love and thoughts are with you and BabyG right now. I'm so sorry your world has been turned upside down. But, you and BabyG will get through this.

MommyOfTwo said...

I am so sorry... I will keep your babygirl and your family in my thoughts!! Lots love and hugs your way!!

Anonymous said...

Kristi!! OMG I haven't seen you in forever and saw this on Facebook! I'm soooo sorry Gabriella is going through this-and you as well. Hugs to you all! I'm praying for you.

Katie from Jan 05 board

Ingrid said...

I am so very sorry you and sweet G have been dealt such a blow. I wish I had something wise to say, but I am stumped. Please know I am thinking of you. Many, many hugs.

Mary Ann said...

Oh Kristi. Words fail me. I don't know what to say. I will be praying for Baby Girl and you and your entire family during this time. I am so sorry. I can't even begin to imagine the emotions you are feeling right now. Lots of hugs and love.

Ruthi David said...

OMG Kristi. I am just seeing this. I am speechless and don't know what to say. You are so strong and I know you will get through this, but I am so so sorry that this is the road you have to take. Please let me know if there is anything I can do...

connie said...

Psalm 46:10...be still and know that I am God.Proverbs 3:5 trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto thine own understanding,In all your way acknowledge Him and He will direct thy paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes;fear the Lord and turn away form evil.It will be healing for your flesh and a refreshment for your body. God Bless you and your family,and I pray God will keep fear from your daughter as she goes through all the strange things and places around her and may she rest in the cradle of God's loving arms.

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