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Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Oh my.

Well, this is going to be hard. Gabriella is completely shutting down. She is angry, and getting hostile with people. She is sad, and has that trapped look in her eyes. She is frustrated and her body shows it. She chooses to pretend she's sleeping to get out of seeing doctors or therapists. She is allowing herself to sleep constantly when I know she wants to be awake and do things. She holds her smiles back when she wants to smile. She refuses to do some of her most favorite things.

Our battle right now is not to get her words back, or the function in her arm. It's to reinstate that strong will she has to achieve things. I firmly believe if she can find that desire to get better, therapy will be a million times more effective.

We explained to her it is ok to be angry and sad and scared. But it is also ok to be happy and play, too. Goodness, if I couldn't talk to anyone and communicate, I'd do exactly what she's doing. But I also hope someone would be with me to keep me going in the right direction, which is why I will never give up on her or leave her side.

We talked about tomorrow and she agreed to work hard for her teachers and get out of bed. We told her we weren't here forever and they just want to help her. Pleeeease pray. Though we stay strong for her, it is harder than anything else on us to see her shutting everyone out.

We are moved to Rehab. It is very difficult for us. I can tell it is going to be the hardest few weeks here. Rooms are tiny and shared with two people and the bathroom is shared with 4 patients. We pray we get a roommate that's quiet and loving as our last one went home. It smells like hospital, gross and stale. The kids here are difficult to see because they are all suffering. We feel crammed and trapped. Its going to be hard. I've already broken down a couple of times. But its necessary and something we will do for Gabriella to get her back on track. She's scared in this room so we will do everything possible to get her out and about.

Therapy starts tomorrow. I'm excited for the routine, and that we are required to leave the room. Gabriella needs to be forced to leave her bed.

Please, God, let the healing be fast and thorough. We want to take our baby home.

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