Search This Blog

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

About our false alarm

Well, Gabriella's sparkly heart is still in waiting...

Gabriella was secondary on the offer, meaning another transplant team and kid was given that heart as primary offer. The heart did match Gabriella and would have been a good heart for her, but the other kid may have been listed higher or waited longer.

The deal with primary vs. secondary.... If the primary team decided their candidate for the heart was not healthy enough or they couldn't travel to get the heart, they would pass on the offer and it would go to Gabriella, the secondary kid.

When we got the original call, it was exactly as she told me it would be. She said "Hi Kristi, it's Cheri, how is Gabriella doing?" and I knew it was the call.... I replied that she was great, healthy and doing good. She then went on to tell me about the heart offer and Gabriella's secondary status. She then told me not to panic or start arranging anything yet. YEAH RIGHT. So when we hung up, I called Paul and got him home from work. I started packing the remainder of our bags and getting things in line. Family came over to man their stations (taking PJ and getting my van from the hangar). As much as I prepared and played it out in my head, I wasn't pepared for the emotions I was going to feel.

I got the call about an hour ago that the primary team was going through with taking the offer and our transplant team declined backup status. Backup status meaning they would take the heart if the Primary decided last minute they didn't want it. They declined backup status because the time crunch would be too much to get the heart and Gabriella there in time last minute, or if the heart was turned down by the primary team because it was bad we wouldn't take it anyways.

So we wait more, for His timing. God is an amazing God and His timing is more than perfect. The emotions I feel right now are hard to explain, even for my blogging tendencies. Normally I can express what I am trying to convey through words on here, since I can sit and ponder my emotions while typing. But this feeling is inexplicable. I can say though that SOMEONE out there is getting their new sparkly heart tonight, and God decided they needed it more than Gabriella tonight. And I know another mother out there was as much in a panic as I was getting things arranged. I also know that whether Gabriella or the primary child got this heart, someone lost their child tonight, and I cannot help to place my heart with them in their evening of grieving.

Thank you to everyone's tweets, Facebook messages and texts... I love you all. The support system we have is incredible and I think everyone should envy the magnitude of amazing people we have in our lives. :)


Nichole said...

(hugs) It WILL come!!! One day, and it will be perfect!

Grace said...

Kristi I can not imagine the emotions you are going through. Stay strong in the Lord. You all are in my prayers!!

Unknown said...

Just thinking of the emotions of all that brought tears to me eyes. Lots of love to your entire family.

Suzy said...

Kristi, I just wanted you to know how much you're all in my thoughts, and in the thoughts of everyone I know. Much love and continued prayers.