Gabriella's Stroke blog entries: STROKE
I posted a prayer that night that kills me to read again. This poor mother, her poor child, what if they lost her? She was already going through so much with her pending heart transplant. My heart breaks for them. Oh, wait, that was us....
I am not reading back because I don't remember. Over the last year I retained what I needed to, the details and stats, and I pushed forward with finding her help to retrieve the skills she lost. I think the reason that I get so horribly emotional reading back to those days is because I detached myself from the pure agony I felt as a mother watching what she went through, because it was haunting me so terribly. She almost coded. We almost lost her. Post traumatic stress disorder at its maximum. My way of coping with the PTSD was to keep facing the steps in front of me so I would not have to keep facing the emotional agony of what happened, no matter how hard it was to accept what happened to her. It doesn't surprise me that I dealt that way.... I lost my dad at 13 and my re-dad at 21... and both times I did the same. I was haunted by the stress and emotion of it, so I focused forward and how to help my mom get through everything. I didn't take time to sit in the moment... it hurt too much. Of course, I am not saying this was the best route to manage... but it did keep Gabriella focused on recovery as well. Regardless, the pain was deep.....
September 25, 2009- God, heal my baby. Shatter the clot with your insurmountable power. Give the deprived areas of her brain the miracle of life and function that only you can provide. Let her sweet voice be heard by everyone she encounters, and her hand hold mine on its own. Let her change the way people think about life, or their children. We have full faith in You and Your love for her. Amen.
Never would have I thought it was possible for someone to get back as much as she has in just one year. From not being able to swallow or move her tongue and having only conversations through me as her translator, to having a (while not YET grammatically correct) conversation with anyone she wished to speak to in just ONE year.... THAT'S miraculous. She didn't have the luxury of being able to write or read to communicate... yet God built bridges for her to be heard.
February 8, 2010- Thank you to everyone, who from September 25th until today had their prayers on Gabriella. Those deep and heartfelt cries to God to take the clot and destroy it worked! And to know that those prayers will now be on her new heart and the surgery it entails makes me so excited to see God work again in that area!
Gabriella has overcome the odds in this past year. Her Neurologist told me a couple months out that she was at the max potential for her arm function at about 30-40% use.... and now today, with about 75% use, she proves him wrong. We were told she had a strong probability of cognitive problems, yet she tested a whole year ahead of herself this past January. We were told she would most likely have an issue retrieving words, and she did suffer from that as her words came in larger amounts, but her new sparkly heart has allowed her brain to function at a higher level and retrieving the words she wants to say is so minor it is hardly noticeable.
May 23, 2010- For the first time in over a year, I feel like my daughter is full of life, and not dying. Like we have a future beyond fear. We have rounded the top of the steepest point of the mountain and are looking at the beauty of what is in front of us. Like Miley Cyrus says about her song The Climb, which has been our theme song through this journey...... "Life's a climb, but the view is great."Not only did she overcome this life changing stroke.... look what she has achieved through her heart journey. Gabriella's story is something amazing, and though I always get flustered when people mention it, the more I think about everything she has been through and the more I read my old entries, maybe a book isn't that bad of an idea.
So now on this 1 year mark of her life changing stroke, and on the day we return home from her heart transplant, God has answered the cries of our hearts. He loves, protects and heals... both here and in heaven. His reasonings for allowing things like strokes and transplants or even taking little ones to heaven are unknown, but we continue to praise God in this storm!